33 (Part 2.33): 01001101011101001

Depression,

Emotions start flowing and overflowing, you don't kn0w what's happening and your eyes are w1de open. It's back, and it won't leave you anymore. You light a cigarette, the light burns your pupils, close your eyes. You're thinking: "Why the fuck am I doing this?" while you keep inhaling the smoke that's sticking into your eyes. I know that you should get some sleep... And I don't give a shit. We all have problems in here and I don't think yours matter more than the others. You feel a fly in your head. It's stucked in there. You first feel it as if it was a massage and this feeling slowly derivates to a certain kind of pain mixed with satisfaction. This progressively makes you drown into a sea of headaches. Everything starts to go round and round and you know that screaming won't solve anything but you still do it.

In those nights you sometimes feel that you're falling asleep, but it's just you again playing your old tricks. You hate yourself, don't you? I love how you stare to the corner of your living room all night long listening to me each and every minute of your miserable existence. Anyway, you might hate me but you know that you are nothing without me. You can lose a lot of things in life; your hand, your eyes, your job, your wife or even your car! But you'll never get rid of your own conscience (well if you keep taking those pills). There we are! You hate me but you still want to keep me, even if you have to drug yourself to death! Look at yourself, miserable knobhead, don't stare at the mirror like a fucking idiot, I said look at yourself! Close you God damn eyes!

*Breathe*

You're too scared of what might happen if you lose me. You're not even able to face your own destiny.

See? These are the last days of your sanity, your mind is fucking up; and there you are, swimming in the void again, your thoughts are blurry. Remember her? Too many years serving in the F.B.I. You collapsed your brain until you drowned the pain, but you still remember her. You even think about her when you smell that perfume or see that look in the eyes of a girl. You think about those long nights that you used to spend together, just talking, looking at the stars with that warm feeling in your chest. She was the only one to make you feel this way. Now you're freezing. You loved her so much, maybe too much. We all search for someone whose demons play well with ours. You fool, again you were like a puppet on a sting. She said she loved you, and she obviously did, but what you didn't know is that she would forget that fast. Looks like everything is starting to make sense, uh? Your eyes are shiny. It looks like you just woke up from a terrible dream, don't be scared. In the absence of everything, I promise to keep you warm.

Yeah, that's right! Go grab your damn whiskey, I'm sure it will be helpful! Don't you see you're trapped in there, kiddo?! Doomed! You hear me?! WE'D RATHER BE FUCKING DEAD.

*Blank Space*

#horseporn #cripplingdespression #gwendoblynn #hashtag